The Troubles of an Assassin
by SugarTensai
Summary: Even assassins have troubles. And now, Killua Zoldyck will personally explain/rant to you about it/ Reason 3: I am legitimately sexually harassed by Illumi forever more/


**A/N:** I confess. I have defected (temporarily) from the Prince of Tennis fandom. Because there are some things you can only find in Hunter X Hunter (like Illumi's beautifulness). Now: remember: Hiatus=Writer's Block=you call THIS a STORY?! So. HAHA, excuses excuses...

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**Reason 8: The steps**

Now, this is listed as the last for a reason, but honestly? It's bad enough. Like, every freaking _day_, I have to walk down, like, a million little step and like, twenty kilometers before I reach the bottom, which _totally_ sucks. _And_, it's plain annoying. No, it's not tiring, it's damn _annoying_, and don't even make me mention the trip on the way _up_. Do you understand? The pain of having to hike down a million little bumps? And possibly _trip_ (even though I won't) and hit my head, possibly _killing_ me (even though I won't)?!

**Reason 7: I have no free time**

Throughout the day I am either:

Being tortured

Killing a random, insignificant dude

Walking down those damned steps

I barely have enough time to eat, and whatever stuff I could do if I wasn't always being tortured, killing a random, insignificant dude, or walking down those damned steps.

**Reason 6: No one takes me seriously**

I am an assassin, I say to my target who is all frightened and shivering. And you know what they do? They laugh! And I'm just like, guys, guys. I am an assassin here to kill you. Seriously. It hurts to have your ego trampled on with each kill, but at least I get my revenge.

**Reason 5: It's hard being so much better than everyone else**

Sometimes, I feel these urges to smash someone's skull into the floor and sit on it. I'm pretty sure most assassins have this problem, because I once saw my dad smashing the television screen when a character in a movie dies after getting a 300 volt shock. Pathetic. Totally pathetic. Like, who freaking _dies _after a little shock like that? Heck, I wouldn't even be flinching from a teeny weeny 300 volt! People are seriously so weak these days. PSH.

**Reason 4: My family**

Here's a little scenario of my day:

Mother: I love you, Killua

Bro 1: CHOMPCHOMPSLURPSNOOOORKSHLUPCHOMP

Bro 2: Kil, you're mine. _*heart* *heart*_

Me: Stabs them all and runs down a million steps to take the Hunter exam.

Need I say more?

**Reason 3: I am legally sexually harassed everyday**

Okay, now-this is a true story:

From the moment little Killua Zoldyck was born, his brother, Illumi, decided it was his duty to stalk and sexually harass the poor kid forever more. And so he did. Illumi would stalk Killua and stare at him, and say gross things like, 'I love you, Kil." The end.

Now that, guys, is the story of my life.

**Reason 2:My name is retarded**

My family is weird, yeah, but they just had to name me Killua, which, I personally think, is going way overboard. My name means 'to kill' and doesn't that just ruin the who undercover assassin thing? And then there's Illumi, all proud and emotionless, who surely doesn't illuminate ANYONE, and that is just so messed up.

**Reason 1: My freaking nails-!**

Do you know just how much blood and guts cram up under my nails after some classic heart rippage? Well, it's a damn lot. And it takes _forever _to get it out. Then I go file my nails, put on some strengthener, maybe buff it a bit, you know. Like some damn freaking school girl, yeah right. But it's not like I care if this gets out because I'll just kill them. Yeah. As bad as it is, Illumi, that freak, I swear he laughs at me every time and oh, I so wanna kill him.

**OWARI**

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**OMAKE:**

"...Kil, I don't understand."

"Illumi, I hate you, and these are reasons I quit being an assassin, now stop stalking me!"

"But, Kil..."

I told you, I'm _never _going back!"

"You are born to be an assassin."

"Go away, you creep!"

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**A/N:** Ahehe/ just clearing things up, I love Illumi. Now. How was this? I'll probably be writing more of the Hunter fandom...I'm really addicted now...;p

-Killua's arrogant here, I know. But what's parody without some exaggeration? HEH

And yes, Killua does mean 'To kill'. In Romanji it's written 'Kirua' and 'Kiru' means to kill.


End file.
